My Quotes
Phil Elmore walks into a dusty bar, wearing a grand blue and gold silk Kung Fu robe. The bartender turns as Phil gets into a traditional down quarter circle forward A button stance, and the bartender screams "EVERYBODY DOWN, IT'S PHIL ELMORE!" as phil shouts "HADOKEN!" and blasts a hole through the center of the bar big enough for a ninja turtle to crawl through. "Call the traditional sparring-proven martial art technique squad!" someone shouts. The bartender presses a button and within seconds several different figures leap through the hole Phil has blasted through the bar. One wears no shirt, one has a full black gi on, another wears a white cotton gi with no undershirt, another in regular clothes, and one wearing army camo. "Why if it isn't my old foes, BJJ Man, Shotokon Karateka, Judo Ninja 109, _ing _un Killer and last but not least, Army Branch Combat Proven Martial Art Man." Phil states. "You won't get away with your non-combat proven martial art random destruction this time Phil, Keeya!" Shotokon Karateka leaps forward and tries a roundhouse on Phil. Phil blocks, gets into horse stance, and grabs his still extended leg, rips it off, and uses it to bat his head clear off his body across the room. He then gets into an Ocelot MGS3 pose, and becons the remaining traditional martial artists. Judo Ninja 109 steps up and tries to judo chop him, but is countered by Phil's own judo chop, which cuts through his arm like a sharp katana, then he reaches into his chest, rips out his heart, and hold it above his head in victory, before crushing it in his kung fu grip. He stands back up. "You bastard!" BJJ Man screams and charges Phil. Phil unhinges his jaw and swallows him whole, like a giant snake, then wipes his mouth. _ing _un Killer then steps up to plate. "I have no time for _ing _un!" Phil proclaims. Then Phil opens part of his robe and Rigante leaps out of it while screaming "RIGANTE!" and latches onto _ing _un Killer's face like a giant cat and begins tearing it apart with his sharp woman-claws. _ing _un Killer screams and begins running about the room screaming "GET IT OFF!" "I guess it's just you and me now." Phil says. A tumbleweed rolls across the bar, traditional western music plays, and all that can be heard is the music and the screams of a man being brutally raped in the ass by Rigante. The camera switches to the Army guy who gets in a traditional Army(?) pose, then to Phil, then back to Army guy, then to Phil, who is now wearing no pants. He raises an eyebrow, and Army Guy's head explodes. "Let's go home Rigante" Phil says. "Rigante!" Rigante proclaims.
Later that day, just for fun, Phil Elmore took out 3 different branches of the U.S. army, and used their bodies to rebuild the Berlin Wall, then single handedly killed Matt Furey, then made sweet love to Rigante down by the fire. -Me, the greatest thing I've ever written.
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